A Darker Shade of Grey
by Teh Anna
Summary: Severus Snape struggles to forgive himself for his past mistakes, while dealing with the stress of Voldemort's rise, the new DADA teacher, and Harry's increased suspicion of him. Post OotP.


**Title:** A Darker Shade of Grey  
**Genre:** Angst/Drama  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Warnings:** Blood, death, violence, and language  
**Summary:** Severus struggles to forgive himself for his past deeds, while dealing with the stress of Voldemort's rise, the DADA professor, and the public opinion of him. NOT slash. NO romance. Takes place during Harry's 6th year.  
  
Disclaimer: For the sake of not getting taken to court (which _probably_ won't happen anyway)… None of the characters are mine. The plot you recognize is JKR's the plot you don't is mine. Thank you for taking the time to read this (or not taking the time, either way).  
  
Finally, I'm done! After 8 months of changing the plot, crumpling up drafts that I didn't like, breaking several pencils, and lots of coffee, the first chapter is here!! And I'm fairly proud of it, too. So… enjoy!  
  


* * *

"Rough wind, that moanest loud  
Grief too sad for song;  
Wild wind, when sullen cloud  
Knells all the night long;  
Sad storm, whose tears are vain,  
Bare woods, whose branches strain,  
Deep caves and dreary main, -  
Wail, for the world's wrong!"  
  
-Percy Bysshe Shelley, Dirge

* * *

Albus once told me that people are not separated into Good and Evil; Light and Dark; Black and White. He said there could be Darkness inside the Light; Light within the Darkness. He believes humans are not completely Black or completely White. He said that there are shades of Grey in between.  
  
Fool.  
  
What does he know? I'm all Black. Perhaps there is some shred of Light in me that keeps me on Albus's side. But it cannot make up for all the Black; all the evil that I've done and that I still must do to keep my cover as a spy. I am the avatar Evil; the epitome of Blackness.

* * *

  
  


A sharp, cold breeze darted about Severus, nipping harshly at his face and hands and gracefully swirling his long black robes and cloak about his feet. He stood atop the Astronomy Tower, bathed in the silvery-white moonlight, watching the stars twinkle brightly against the dark night sky, and the lake sparkle dimly below him. A full moon hung in the sky. From the depths of the Forbidden Forest, which stretched before him as far as the eye could see, a sad, lonely howl rose and lingered in the cool air. A small smirk fell upon Severus's lips. He hoped it was Lupin.  
  
"You're out late, my child," a soft voice came from behind Severus. Severus whirled around drawing his wand as he went. A spell was already forming on his lips before he realised who it was.  
  
"No later than usual, Albus," said Severus, lowering his wand.  
  
"It's lucky that you did not finish the spell, or I may have been a piece of toast." In the moonlight Dumbledore's blue eyes sparkled more than ever.  
  
"I was thinking of something much worse." said Severus, his voice dry. He turned back to his stargazing.  
  
"You are far too uptight, Severus. Perhaps you should put your wand in your pocket for a while and relax."  
  
"Don't let Alastor Moody catch you talking like that," said Severus.  
  
"You are no better about it than Alastor."  
  
"It's not wise to let down your guard these days," said Severus, his dark eyes glittering oddly, "Mars shines brightly."  
  
Severus pointed to a red speck, above.  
  
"One would think you've spent too much time with Firenze," said Dumbledore, lightly.  
  
"He sees it, as well," Severus said, softly, "And he sees many other things. He will not divulge to me what they are, however."  
  
"Perhaps it's for the best. It is better to meet our fate as it comes."  
  
Severus sighed, "What did you come here to speak to me about? I know it was not just to have this pointless conversation."  
  
"I wanted to talk to you about two things... First off, I've found a new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher."  
  
"Who is it this time? Let me guess... Another idiot who's smile is brighter than their mind? Or perhaps worse? Perhaps the werewolf again? Or maybe this time you've brought Black back from the dead? Pray, do enlighten me, Albus. Do tell who you've invited this time to torment me further."  
  
"His name is Emigo McClaggan. He was training to be an Auror, but did not pass his tests, so I asked him to be a professor here."  
  
"A failed Auror... How appropriate for the job," said Severus, sardonically.  
  
"Why must you be so difficult, Severus?" Albus sighed.  
  
Severus ignored the question, "And the second subject you wished to speak to me about was...?"  
  
"Harry Potter."  
  
Severus remained silent.  
  
"Potter is not his father," stated Dumbledore, quietly.  
  
"Excellent observation, Albus. Ten points to Gryffindor," said Severus, sarcasm colouring his voice.  
  
"If he were not James's son would you treat him with any more respect?" said Albus, ignoring the sarcasm.  
  
"No," said Severus, his voice suddenly hard, "He is a insufferable hormonal brat, who thinks the world revolves around him, and I treat him as I would any other student, had they had the same personality."  
  
"You do not know him well, Severus. If you gave him a chance-"  
  
"I know him well enough! He acts just like his father, the bast-"  
  
"Language, Severus! So this is about James..."  
  
"This is not about James Potter!" there was a long silence before Severus continued in low tone, his voice full of emotion, "When I was twenty-three, and I came to you to turn myself in, I swore to you that I would do everything and anything I could to redeem myself. But that night, I made another promise to myself. I vowed that I would get revenge for everything the Dark Lord had done, and that when it came to the last battle, I would kill him with my bare hands if I had to."  
  
Severus pushed as strand of dark hair from his eyes and finished, "And the Potter boy came along. My enemy's son somehow survived the Dark Lord's attack and drained him of his power. But I still had a chance. I knew the Dark Lord would be back, and I would get a chance to kill him... And then I found out about the prophecy. That goddamned prophecy that states that it will be Harry Potter that kills the Dark Lord, and not I. It will be Potter. And the time for my vengeance will never come," Severus's voice broke slightly. There was another long silence, before Severus spoke.  
  
"Listen to me," a hollow, mirthless laugh escaped Severus's lips, "Revealing my childish fantasies in such a loquacous manner."  
  
"Severus, I-"  
  
"Please leave, Albus."  
  
"Severus-"  
  
"_Go_, Albus! I do not wish to speak to you now."  
  
Albus paused before he said quietly, "Very well, Severus."  
  
Albus slowly turned, and descended the Astronomy Tower steps, leaving Severus still watching the stars above him. Severus hadn't mentioned how else he felt about Harry. The boy was the spitting image of James, and everytime Harry looked up at Severus, his eyes full of hatred, the image of James' face and mocking laughter entered his head. With every sarcastic insult thrown at Harry, Severus would think, '_Revenge for what you did to me, James Potter._' For every sneer, every smirk, Severus would think, '_This is your reward, for taunting me all these years. This is what you get._'  
  
Severus leaned against the cool stones of the Astronomy Tower wall, and lifted the sleeve of his left forearm. The Dark Mark shone against his pale skin. He traced it with one long thin finger. A sharp burning sensation shot up his arm and then through his entire body. Severus gave a low hiss of pain.  
  
He raised his head once again. A blue-white blur flew across the sky: A shooting star.  
  
'_Make a wish_,' a voice within Severus's head, prompted. Severus followed the stars progress across the sky with his eyes, and then whispered his wish.  
  
The wind picked up his voice and tauntingly danced around him, whispering his wish back to him, over and over again.  
  
_'Forgive me.'_

* * *

This chapter was rather short, but the future chapters will be longer. The plot will start developing more, alhtough I've already started developing the plot by Sev's wish and the mention of Professor McClaggan.  
  
JKR actually said that there will be someone with the surname 'McClaggan' in Book 6, so I've decided to make him the DADA professor in this fic!  
  
Please, please, please review! Your reviews are my life, so just press the purplish-bluish-lavenderish button down there… 


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